I Know How it Feels

If there's anyone in this world who understands the frustration Phil is feeling about his tennis game, it would be me.

I know what it feels like to play your heart out in a match, and come out on the losing end.
I know what it feels like to be ahead in a match, and not be able to close it out.
I know what it feels like to have your serve just completely go away, and not be able to toss a ball in same place twice.
I know what it feels like to be so nervous in a match that you can't seemingly hit a ball past the service line.
I know what it feels like to have demons in your head imparting thoughts of self doubt on the court, turning the easiest of matches into hard fought battles.
I know what it feels like to walk off the court feeling like you've played the worst match of your life, only to have everyone tell you how well you played and how great you looked out there...were they really watching the same match I just played?
I know what it feels like to watch the matches of my peers and wonder why they seem to never play with nerves or a lack of confidence, like me.
I know what it feels like to think you're working so hard and getting no reward for your efforts.
I know what it feels like to be away from the game for health reasons or injury and to magically expect yourself to come back playing as if you never left the game.
I know what it feels like to walk off the court after a tough loss and say, that's it. I'm quitting the game.
I know what it feels like to be helpless when you watch the person you love more than life itself lose a match. There are no words to say other than, I love you.

In my mind,Phil played well today, and lost in the semis 7-6, 6-1. He controlled the match early on, then Bob picked it up and started making shots. The set went to a breaker and Phil couldn't pull it out. I could see him deflate a little, but I knew he was a fighter. The harder he tried the more he missed. I know how bad he wanted this match, and the disappointment he feels from the loss. Hopefully I can help him put things in perspective and remind him of how fortunate we are to do what we do. Our good friend Hubert Kessler would love to be playing this tournament with all his buddies around, instead he's in a battle for his life with cancer. Yes, tennis is important to us, and we both have a great desire to succeed and do well. But when we let it define us and we put too much self worth on our performance, then we stop enjoying the game. I need to keep this perspective as much as anyone. It's a inward struggle each time we step on the court. The more we learn to play with gratitude, the losses will be easier to take and the wins will be that much sweeter.

I could not be prouder of how much Phil has overcome these past ten months with what could have been a potentially career ending injury. I know too that we will dwell on many more losses between us, and we will celebrate many more of our victories. At least we both know what it feels like.



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