The Unthinkable

I did everything right today but win. Phil and I had a great warm up this morning. I knew I had one job to do today and that was play a tennis match. I had all day to play and knew what the task at hand was. Susan is a tough competitor, very consistent and gritty. I went on the court totally prepared both mentally and physically....so I thought. Our points were long and hard fought with no free points. After two long hours, and having made only two unforced errors in the match, I was up 6-1, 5-0. Then my calves, and hand started to cramp. I was guzzling Gatorade and water, eating bananas, using ELETE (electrolyte drops), drinking pickle juice and stretching, but the longer we played the worse they got. She won the second set 7-5. I feebly attempted to play the third, even thought I was working through the cramps and felt a glimmer of hope. That glimmer was short lived, as I fell to the court as both calves grabbed at the same time. The trainer came out and worked on me for the allotted medical time out. I limped through the end of the match not wanted to give in. Never in my dreams did I think this would happen this week. I had worked hard and done everything right to prepare. My disappointment is immeasurable, but now that I've had time to reflect on the whole course of events I think I was a time bomb, just waiting for my body to say STOP. I was feeling immensely fatigued and stressed with all the pressures I had put upon myself the last few weeks. I was emotionally weak in the days leading up to my leaving for this tournament. After a lengthy conversations today with Phil, Renee and Geoff, we all agree that I had pushed myself, mind and body, to the limits. My way of dealing with all that has happened in my life the past few months was to pile on more physical activity and throw myself into work...more than usual. I had made the conscious decision to not have a complete emotional let down in dealing with Mom's passing as I did with my Dad's death. So I did the opposite. Today though proved that I'm not superwoman, and my body was pushed as far as it could go. I know I played the best I could but I need to step back, slow down and allow myself the time to recover. No one is more disappointed than me, but know that I recognize the reasons for my collapse today and I will be back...I'm working in the right direction and still have big goals in sight. This was just a hiccup along the way. Phil and I will rest, relax and enjoy the rest of our time together this week.